{"id":13977,"date":"2023-05-17T12:03:00","date_gmt":"2023-05-17T12:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gustavopineda.com\/?p=13977"},"modified":"2023-05-17T12:03:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-17T12:03:00","slug":"succession-worst-gifts-presents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gustavopineda.com\/?p=13977","title":{"rendered":"Everyone on ‘Succession’ gives the worst gifts"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n

Imagine waking up to a scorpion as a sweet morning-after present. Or maybe you bring in a birthday with a handwritten card from Dad, asking you to fuck off. Sounds hardcore right? Well, that\u2019s how it\u2019s done on Succession<\/em><\/a>. Whether you’re a Kendall babygirl<\/u><\/a>, a Romuplus, or think Shiv is mother, standing by the Roy sibs \u2014 especially after Season 4’s catastrophic episode 8<\/u><\/a> \u2014 often reflects murkily on the moral compass.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But as HBO’s highly popular series crawls to a painful close, there’s one dreadful reality that remains unaddressed: no one, and I emphasize, no one<\/em> on Succession<\/em> knows how to give good gifts. Even though Shiv (Sarah Snook)<\/a>, Kendall (Jeremy Strong), and Roman (Kieran Culkin)<\/a>, along with their allies and (fr)enemies have a disgusting amount of money, they’re terrible at spending it on anything actually thoughtful for each other\u00a0 \u2014 and they would never, ever make<\/em> something, especially after Connor’s (Alan Ruck)<\/a> highly ridiculed sourdough starter for Logan’s (Brian Cox)<\/a> birthday in the first ever episode of Season 1<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n SEE ALSO:<\/span>
\n
\n ‘Succession’: 13 WTF quotes that will haunt my nightmares from episode 8
\n <\/use><\/svg>
\n <\/a>\n <\/div>\n

In a world where you basically get everything you want, the Roys and those orbiting them never learn the tender, thoughtful, and mildly manipulative art of gift giving. Presents are a sure shot way to win brownie points, edge a friend closer, or even serve as bait. In the rich-eat-rich world of the show, the one percent constantly forget the power of genuinely thoughtful gestures. Succession<\/em> is a lesson in the contrary, as the series shows us just how belittled and alone terrible gifts can make someone feel. <\/p>\n

In honor of that very sentiment, here’s a ranking of the worst gifts ever exchanged on the show.\u00a0<\/p>\n

8. Connor and Willa’s Napoleon-Josephine letters<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A bride and groom hold hands in the air at the altar in the TV show \"Succession\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n Uh…congratulations?<\/span>
\n Credit: David Russsell\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Who could have imagined that a Logan Roy gesture would emerge as the most thoughtful in any mix, and right before his death<\/u><\/a>? In Season 4, episode 3, Connor and Willa (Justine Lupe) are set to be married, for better or worse. Before the ceremony and Logan’s last minutes<\/a>, the couple receive a wedding present from daddy dearest. No it\u2019s not a heartfelt generational family heirloom \u2014 remember this is the Roys, a family who outwardly brand sentimentality a weakness.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In his typical standoffish money-is-everything fashion, Logan gives his firstborn a set of love letters that Napoleon Bonaparte wrote to his wife Josephine. It’s a clear nod to Connor\u2019s undying obsession with the French Emperor; the hopeless presidential candidate even tries to get his hands on Napoleon\u2019s severed penis in Season 2, episode 1, when it hits auction (and yes, it is an actual collector’s item<\/u><\/a>). Sure, in some worlds this would make the groom happy but the truth is, all Connor really wanted was his father to show up to his wedding instead of attending a a business deal. Despite its potential to be a hit, this love lore is sadly still a miss.<\/p>\n

7. Tom’s sycophantic Patek Philippe watch<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A man and woman dressed in suits stand in a brightly light, aristocratic living room, looking happy, in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n A very expensive ass-kissing endeavour.<\/span>
\n Credit: Peter Kramer\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

In the Succession<\/em> series premiere, Tom, overwhelmed by a bout of wishful thinking, tries to butter up his then-girlfriend Shiv’s ice king father Logan with a very pricey Patek Philippe watch. “It’s incredibly accurate. Every time you look at it, it tells you exactly how rich you are,” Tom tells Logan. While the social climber breaks the bank for this gesture of sycophancy, his heart’s in the right place. However, the present shows a serious lack of understanding of this particular gift receiver. If it isn’t abundantly clear, billionaire Logan Roy can’t be bought.<\/p>\n

Mocking Tom’s little gift-giving speech, Logan says, “That’s very funny. Did you rehearse that<\/u><\/a>?” Without so much as a nod of approval, the bullish patriarch gives away the mighty expensive watch to the family present Roys’ makeshift softball stadium. This exchange is to make up for Roman’s filthy million-dollar home run tease with the family’s young son. It’s impossible to rewatch this interaction without cringing. Better luck next time, Tom.<\/p>\n

6. Kendall’s iconic “L to the OG” rap<\/h2>\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

If there ever was a golden present for the audience, this is it. To commemorate 50 years of big daddy Logan running Waystar Royco, Kendall bestows the black tie event with an iconic performance of “L to the OG<\/u><\/a>“, a bonkers, original rap written by Succession<\/em> composer Nicholas Britell. Kendall’s interpretation of a “tribute” to his dad involves perfect lyrics like: \u201cBro, don\u2019t get it twisted, I\u2019ve been through hell. But since I stan Dad, I\u2019m alive and well.\u201d Watching Kendall strip his tuxedo jacket to reveal a custom Logan-themed jersey, while encouraging Waystar board members, major shareholders, and the biggest players in fictional American politics to \u201ckiss the ring\u201d makes for a hilarious moment in television.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly, Logan is not amused, especially when Kendall flings a baseball cap on his father’s head. In our eyes, babygirl Ken gets a 10 on 10 for this over-the-top gesture from Season 2, even though Logan absolutely hates<\/em> it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n Featured Video For You<\/strong><\/p>\n
\n <\/div>\n
\n
<\/div>\n
Jeremy Strong on how he approached is roles for ‘Succession’ and ‘The Trial of the Chicago 7’<\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n
\n<\/div>\n

5. Stewy’s big, beautiful Trojan horse\u00a0<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A woman in a suit stands looking bewildered in an apartment entrance, standing next to a large wooden horse, in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n For Kendall, from his BFF.<\/span>
\n Credit: David Russell\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

In the second episode of Season 3, all hell breaks loose after Kendall’s explosive press conference<\/a> \u2014 the first time Kendall is isolated from the family. After publicly revolting against his father in dramatic King Lear<\/em> fashion, the devastated heir is hiding out in his ex-wife Rava\u2019s (Natalie Gold) apartment when an ominous gift arrives in the post: a Trojan horse from his investor and college buddy Stewy (Arian Moayed).\u00a0<\/p>\n

Born in Greek mythology, the wooden horse has become symbolic for rebellion and stealth overthrows of power \u2014 the victorious ploy from the Trojan War saw the Greek army covertly gain access to the city through a gifted large wooden horse. Stressed out in his \u201chidey-hole\u201d, Kendall struggles to find people he can trust and Stewy\u2019s conflicting present only pushes him further off-kilter. To mess with an already broken babygirl is a sin like no other.<\/p>\n

4. Shiv’s poisonous scorpion from Tom<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A man and woman in suits stand facing each other looking angry at a party, in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n Yeah, this did not land.<\/span>
\n Credit: David Russell\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

No relationship is sacred in Succession<\/em> and Tom and Shiv\u2019s volatile marriage<\/a> is testament to that. In Season 4, episode 7<\/a>, the world’s most vindictive will-they, won\u2019t-they duo finally get together, alas only momentarily. To mark the morning after, Tom (or “Father Sexmus” as he cheekily calls himself), brings Shiv a curated tray of breakfast, fresh polling papers, and a present, curiously wrapped in brown paper and a lush cream bow. Could it be jewelry? Maybe an engagement ring?<\/p>\n

To everyone\u2019s despair, the box encloses an acrylic resin paperweight boasting an entombed scorpion. When Shiv is understandably baffled, Tom insists the pre-party prezzie is a silly little joke, that the scorpion represents his wife and their poisonous relationship: \u201cI love you<\/u><\/a> but you kill me and I kill you.\u201d The disastrous sting of Tom’s despicable gift is clever foreshadowing, as this lovey-dovey rendezvous is on the brink of crashing and burning.\u00a0<\/p>\n

3. The worst birthday card ever from Logan<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A man reads a birthday card and a letter in a room with projected visuals on the walls, in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n \u201cCash out and fuck off.” <\/span>
\n Credit: Macall B. Polay\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

As Mashable’s Elena Cavender writes,<\/u><\/a> “Crying on your birthday is a common trope of disaffected womanhood.”\u00a0 But surely, no one had it as bad as babygirl Kendall on his extravagant 40th birthday blowout. Throughout Season 3, Ken and Logan\u2019s relationship struggles to the point of disappearing, and his connection with his siblings is awkward at best. Kendall’s birthday bash in episode 7<\/a> is clear proof. <\/p>\n

Logan sends his favourite errand boy Romulus to the party with a cruel greeting card in hand; the words \u201cHappy Birthday\u201d are crossed out and \u201cCash out and fuck off\u201d is scribbled instead. Included within the card, a term sheet from Logan offering Kendall over $2 million to sell his share of the company. Few gifts can get worse than having your father wanting you gone from both his company and family while your smug little brother delivers the news at your birthday party.\u00a0<\/p>\n

2. Kendall\u2019s kids’ (maybe thankfully) missing present<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A woman and man walk through a fancy party in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n Way too much birthday.<\/span>
\n Credit: Macall B. Polay\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

The saga of sadness from Kendall’s fiery forty continues, and the episode is rightly titled “Too Much Birthday”. Just when we think things can’t possibly go more south for the most vulnerable Roy sibling, Kendall decides to make himself feel better by unwrapping the present that his oft-ignored kids apparently handmade for him. Unable to find it immediately, he goes on a rampage, toppling over a mound of very expensive gifts, in the hope of finding the blotchy wrapping of the one from his children.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When his girlfriend Naomi Pierce (Annabelle Dexter-Jones) interrupts the unraveling to give Ken the Rolex she bought him, the hungry-for-love birthday boy snaps at her, heartbroken that the lavish gift wasn’t even inscribed. How dare she? Basically don’t buy the Roys watches \u2014 it won’t go down well. We never learn if Kendall finds the gift from his kids but Reddit is convinced<\/u><\/a> it never existed or that it possibly contained their dead pet rabbit’s body. Gory. Maybe it’s a good thing it was never found…<\/p>\n

1. Matsson’s endless creepy blood bricks<\/h2>\n
\n
\n A man in a hooded sweatshirt stands with his hands behind his back atop a Norwegian mountain in the TV show \"Succession.\"<\/p><\/div>\n
\n Stop. Sending. People. Your. Blood.<\/span>
\n Credit: Graeme Hunter\/HBO<\/span>\n <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

In Season 4, episode 5, watching Shiv cozying up to GoJo CEO Lukas Matsson<\/a> (Alexander Skarsg\u00e5rd) and teasing the idea of breaking the blood bond with her brothers was tense enough, but the Succession<\/em> writers throw an even feistier curveball. \u201cI was seeing this girl and after we broke up, because of some things that we said when things were nice and intense, as sort of a nasty, uh, friendly joke about what I shouldn\u2019t do, I sent her some of my blood<\/u><\/a>,\u201d Matsson admits to an aghast Shiv. \u201cA half a litre frozen blood brick. As a joke, obviously,\u201d he added.<\/p>\n

To make things worse, the ex-lover in question was Ebba (Eili Harboe), GoJo’s head of communications, and Mattson’s particularly nasty form of harassment most definitely did not land as a “joke”. Still, the entitled techie continued to send her bricks \u201cagain and again.\u201d Without a doubt, this takes the cake as the absolute worst “present” on Succession<\/em> (yet).\u00a0<\/p>\n

Season 4 of Succession<\/em> is now streaming on HBO Max<\/a>, with new episodes airing weekly on Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on HBO and HBO Max.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imagine waking up to a scorpion as a sweet morning-after present. Or maybe you bring in a birthday with a handwritten card from Dad, asking you to fuck off. Sounds…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13978,"comment_status":"registered_only","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-gallery","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-technology","post_format-post-format-gallery"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t