I think we, as a society, can all agree that every mafia movie pales in comparison to Martin Scorsese’s 1973 film Goncharov. It’s the blueprint. It defined a genre. It also never existed.
Instead, Goncharov is an entirely made up film, communally created by users on Tumblr which then seeped into the posting and meme ecosystems of other sites like Twitter, TikTok, and Reddit. You might have scrolled right by a Goncharov praise post, not knowing that what you had just read was a deeply rich piece of Tumblr lore. I don’t blame you for skipping yet another film opinion, but Goncharov is special.
The universe of Scorsese’s Goncharov is still growing, too. The fake cult favorite film has now been reported on by numerous outlets, including Polygon, NBC, BuzzFeed, and even The New York Times. The official Tumblr Twitter account has acknowledged the film in several posts (spot Robert DeNiro as the titular Goncharov in the account’s profile picture), and Ryan Reynolds posted about his favorite Goncharov line on his new Tumblr account.
At this point, it’s hard to parse what’s real and what’s fake — a shared internet joke, communal delusion, or the greatest experiment in community fiction writing ever known to man? Whatever it is, the Goncharov meme has gone about as far as one could possibly take it. But what’s more true to the essence of a “cult movie” than one that’s entirely made up by a bunch of anonymous Tumblr users and turned into a meme?
If you’re new to the Goncharov fandom or have some internet FOMO, here’s a super shallow dive into the Goncharovian Lore:
Goncharov‘s birth
The meme’s origin is linked to old Tumblr lore, lining up perfectly with the social media platform’s rejuvenation inspired by the revival of 2014 Tumblr aesthetics and users’ apparent exodus from Twitter back to Tumblr.
Some users linked Goncharov to an old image of a sneaker posted by Tumblr user “zootycoon“, which was embroidered with a label that read, “The greatest mafia movie ever made. Martin Scorsese presents: Goncharov” and was accompanied by a confusing caption about an ad for a nonexistent movie. Fact check! That’s an edited picture. Goncharov‘s true origin is as mysterious as its main character…
A year of subtle Goncharov posting culminated in this week’s surge in content, starting with a fan-edited poster:
ballooning well beyond memes into fan posts, mood boards, fake trailers, a title score, and even entire scenes of storyboarding and scripting. The so-called “Gonch-posting” continued, and there’s even an official Goncharov Lore Google Doc where you can watch the writing live.
Goncharov becomes our unlikely mafia hero
Scorsese’s Goncharov was immediately labeled as the preeminent mafia movie, in the same realm as The Godfather or Goodfellas, and subjected to the same critical film analysis.
In this tale, users tell the story of our main character Goncharov (that’s his last name, by the way. His first name is another layer of lore.), a former Russian mob guy who has given up the dark life to settle down with his wife Katya. While in Naples, he is forced back into organized crime and meets a new rival named Andrey aka “The Banker.” There’s also “sad boy” Mario, and later “Ice Pick Joe” (an American guy named Joe who kills people with an ice pick and wears an eye patch). Lastly, there’s Sofia, who forms a close (romantic) bond with Katya.
Goncharov is canonically played by Robert De Niro, by the way, and a young Al Pacino is sometimes Mario and sometimes Andrey (depending on who you ask).
Goncharov fandom divided between the bridge scene and the bus scene
The “resurgence” of Goncharov content also meant a deep analysis of its best scenes, characters, and hidden meanings — all created on the spot by Tumblr users and reframed as real analysis, even linking to fake film critics and academic journals.
There’s a bridge scene, where something big happens and a clocktower is chiming, and a boat scene, in which Katya almost dies and Sofia is there and fruit is involved.
Katya tries to shoot Goncharov, reciting the famous line, “if we were truly in love, I wouldn’t have missed.” And at some point, there are sexually-charged anchovies and other fish. Main themes include: Being a Girlboss, Escaping the Cycle of Violence, and Sacrificial Love. It also passes the Bechdel Test.
Goncharov even briefly made its way onto the film review site Letterboxd (let me add it to my top 4 cowards).
Goncharov is also gay
Duh. In what universe would Tumblr collectively write a 1970s Scorsese mafia flick and not make it a gay love story? In fact, the subtle, read-between-the-lines romances of Goncharov and Katya have even inspired a suite of fanfiction tags on the site Archive of Our Own.
Our main character’s flame is, of course, his rival Andrey — talk about some great enemies-to-lovers storytelling. Just go ahead and check out this in-depth (fake) analysis of the iconic cigarette lighting scene. Ugh, the tension. There’s also a second romance between Katya and Sofia. Something for everyone in Goncharov!
Goncharov director speaks out on controversy
Some users have now brought to light that Scorsese might not be the actual director, but for now, we are ignoring that. Scorsese is our guy.
Taking to TikTok through the account of his daughter Francesca Scorsese, he finally broke his silence, in a reply to a fellow TikTok user asking if Scorsese had seen the Goncharov hype. “I made that film years ago,” he texted his daughter. There it is folks. Goncharov is Scorsese canon.
Goncharov was real. It was real to me.
