The Barbie script is genius. So genius in fact that for the past week I’ve unapologetically been calling my home “the mojo dojo casa house,” exclusively pronouncing The Godfather as Issa Rae did in the film, and quoting Ken’s (Ryan Gosling) distaste for the patriarchy’s exclusion of horses at any opportunity I get.
The Barbie movie has left a pink handprint on all of our hearts. I personally cried, laughed, and screamed for the entirety of its runtime. And while there’s a lot about the movie to fall in love with, from its Easter eggs all the way to its beautiful bench scene, there are a couple — okay, a lot — of one-liners from the film I hope we all quote forever.
So without further ado, let’s hop into Barbie’s pink convertible, take a trip down memory lane, and relish in the film’s best, funniest, most underrated, and even most shocking lines.
Credit: Warner Bros.
1. “Yay space!” — Barbie
Everyone greets each other in the morning in BarbieLand, even the Astronaut Barbies all the way up in space. The only right answer to a bunch of Astronaut Barbies waving you a good morning? “Yay space!” So succinctly put. So brilliant. So funny. I love joy like Barbie (Margot Robbie) loves science.
2. “NooOOOOOOOOooooo!!!!!!” — Allan
The beauty of this line is in its delivery. Allan (Michael Cera) belts out this visceral, screeching, unapologetically empathetic “NoooooOOOOOOO!!” when Ken (Ryan Gosling) has a big beach accident — after all, he is Ken’s buddy. And while it’s no secret that Allan is Barbie‘s best character, this one “NOOOOO” kickstarted our absolute adoration for him.
3. “And what a good job you do at beach.” — Barbie
While Doctor Barbies treat Ken after his surf accident, he goes on a passionate tangent explaining that his job’s really hard. Ken’s not a lifeguard. He’s not a surfer. His job is just beach and it’s SO hard. But Barbie (Hari Nef) reminds him, oh so empathetically, that he does a great job at beach. 10/10 line delivery yet again for the most absurd line ever. Beach is now entirely a real job.
4. “I don’t want you here.” — Barbie.
Barbie says this to Ken right before girls’ night, and she’s so right for it. I wish I could bear such brutal honesty in my own life.
5. “Hurry up, Barbie, the president’s here!” — Doctor Barbie
“I am. You’re welcome!” — President Barbie
While Barbie tries to get rid of Ken, the other Barbies at girls’ night remind her that they have some serious slumber partying to get to. The president’s even here! And she knows they should all be honored! President Barbie (Issa Rae) 4ever.
Credit: Warner Bros.
6. “Stop it, Ken.” — Barbie
Kens aren’t allowed to retch at Barbie getting flat feet, only Barbies are allowed to do that. This throwaway line from Barbie (Sharon Rooney) might be quick, but its message is irrevocably the heart of the film. Stop it Ken (Kingsley Ben-Adir), seriously.
7. “Fine, get cellulite. I don’t care.” — Weird Barbie
Of Weird Barbie’s (Kate McKinnon) many iconic lines in the film, this specific one broke me. While Barbie’s reluctant to go to the real world, Weird Barbie reminds her of what’s at stake — cellulite. I just…yeah. A 10/10 WTF moment. A 10/10 tongue-in-cheek moment. It’s incredible just how much this movie made fun of itself.
8. “I’d like to see what kind of nude blob he’s packing under his jeans.” — Weird Barbie
If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t.
9. “Don’t blame me. Blame Mattel; they make the rules.” — Weird Barbie
Another Weird Barbie gem that I can’t believe actually made it into the film. I feel like its layers speak for themselves.
10. “What if there’s beach?!” — Ken
When Ken turns stowaway on Barbie’s trip to the Real World, he argues to stay by questioning, “What if there’s beach?”
Valid. What if there is beach?! How could Barbie ever beach by herself? Barbies may be astronauts, Nobel Prize winners, physicists, and president, but beach is firmly Ken turf. Thank you Ken for your very necessary concerns.
Credit: Warner Bros.
11. “I have all the genitals.” — Ken
Forget the nude blob, Ken has genitals BTW. When a crew of construction workers rudely hit on Barbie in the real world, she, in good grace, reminds them that she and Ken have no genitals. But Ken’s having none of it. In fact, he claims he has all the genitals. Every single one.
I’m forever indebted to Greta Gerwig for writing this script.
12. “We sell dreams, imagination, and sparkle. And when you think of sparkle, what do you think of next? Female agency.” — Mattel CEO (Will Ferrell)
He’s right.
13. “You fascist.” — Sasha
My jaw fell when Sasha (Ariana Greenblatt) dropped this banger. We can all call Barbie many things, but a fascist? Absolutely absurd — but brilliantly hilarious nonetheless.
14. “She thinks I’m a fascist? I don’t control the railways or the flow of commerce!” — Barbie
I don’t know how Margot Robbie said this line while crying and keeping a straight face. It is, without a doubt, the most underrated moment in the entire film. She does not control the railways guys!!! OR the flow of commerce!!!!
Credit: Warner Bros.
15. “Why didn’t Barbie tell me about patriarchy?” — Ken
I love Ken. Like I just really love Ken. I too wonder why she didn’t, bud. I’m thinking about it every night.
16. “I’m a man with no power, does that make me a woman?” — Aaron Dinkins
Bless you, Aaron (Connor Swindells). It doesn’t, but thank you so much for getting that point across.
17. “Horses are just men extenders.” — Ken
Another Ken quote full of brilliant, wise, remarkable Kenergy. It’s genius. Horses are, in fact, men extenders. For further evidence, see Oppenheimer.
18. “These are archival!” — Gloria
As Ken throws out Barbie’s clothes to make room for his mojo dojo casa house, Gloria (America Ferrera) reminds him that the beautiful outfits he’s throwing out aren’t to be treated like trash. Barbie’s sparkly ice skating dress? How DARE he?! They’re ARCHIVAL, Ken.
19. “She’s going to watch the BBC Pride and Prejudice for the seventh time.” — Depressed Barbie ad
I hate to say this again, but the people that get it, get it. They get it oh so deeply.
Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy, you are always there when we need you.
20. “Oh you are Allan. That’s great!” — Gloria
There’s just something about Gloria acknowledging Allan and giving him the recognition that he deserves that tickled my heart. It may or may not also have to do with the fact that Ferrera delivered this line in the same vein of a parent complimenting their kid’s macaroni art, but I digress. Allan, you are great!!
Credit: Warner Bros.
21. “All of NSYNC? Allans!” — Allan
NSYNC’s music video for “It’s Gonna Be Me” walked so Barbie could run.
The boy band presents themselves as dolls that dance — while being underappreciated. Of course, they’re Allans.
22. “It’s like I’ve been in a dream where I was really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League.” — Barbie (Alexandra Shipp)
I scoffed. I screamed. I couldn’t believe Warner Bros. actually green-lit their own roast. Snyder bros everywhere, this one’s for you.
23. “That’s because they’re dream houses, motherfucker.” — President Barbie
The Mattel logo could only bleep out so much.
24. “I’m a liberated man. I know crying’s not weak.” — Ken
Once again, Ken’s life of blonde fragility is a lesson all men can learn from. Take notes, gentlemen. Go to a therapist. Cry. Don’t let yourself feel hemmed in by suffocating gender norms. Please let yourselves cry.
25. “To be honest, when I found out the patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest anyways.” — Ken
Ken, you are so right and real for that. I hope others will follow suit soon.
How to watch: The Barbie movie is now playing in theaters.
