Edging isn’t too complicated. You’re just taking more time to slip down your slide instead of quickly cranking one out before the next Zoom call. Taking time to masturbate is a luxury — I get it. Work, relationships, social events, getting the car fixed, keeping the kids alive, and remembering to call mom can crowd your schedule so much that getting five minutes to debug your own hard drive is a much-needed relief. But what if you binged one fewer episode of Succession and gifted that hour to your body?
What is edging?
Edging is the practice of maintaining a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended period of time. One rides the ‘edge’ of orgasm without letting themselves climax, periodically lowering arousal before re-approaching their peak over and over again. (For many women, that just sounds like having sex with a straight man. But edging typically results in an actual orgasm.) The culminating cum is typically much stronger than your standard O, and for those that dangle, it can be quite…voluminous.
Some might edge masochistically by denying themselves the final release. Some submissives may edge to follow instructions from their dominant, only orgasming with permission if they’ve been “good.” Edging can be part of a stroking game like Cock Hero (a rip-off of Guitar Hero where…you know). And others, like me, sometimes just enjoy absentminded multitasking masturbation. The end result is typically the same: heavy breathing, a big smile, and a bit more mess than usual.
Why do people edge?
Edging usually builds more powerful orgasms. I think of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Sega Genesis. If you pressed and held the down arrow while repeatedly tapping the jump button, Sonic would curl up and spin in place really fast. If you let him charge long enough, you could release his signature Spin Dash move, blasting the furry little blue character forward with great force. That’s what it’s like to cum after several hours of stroking. “When you take your time and build up to that orgasm, it shows up stronger and lasts longer in the body,” says sex and relationships coach Keeley Rankin.
“When you take your time and build up to that orgasm, it shows up stronger and lasts longer in the body.”
Not only do those ‘charged’ climaxes send shakes throughout my body, but my ejaculations are bigger and shoot even further — a messier, more satisfying Spin Dash if you will. A quick orgasm just “doesn’t carry very far,” Rankin adds.
“I think everyone would benefit from extending their self-pleasure practice,” says Rankin. “More time [masturbating] means more time to be curious to try new things.” Experiment with a different grip. Get into a different position. Go into your pleasure drawer and add a sex toy to the mix. You could even film yourself polishing the banister and send it as part of a steamy sexting sesh. Don’t be afraid to get creative! Your tried and true methods will still be right there when you need them.
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‘Buffing the banana’ or ‘dialing the rotary phone’ a little longer also gives you time to appreciate the sensations you may have been rushing through out of routine.
Pleasure educator Carly S knows the benefits of dillying and dallying. “Edging makes masturbation more pleasurable because I have to take more time to intentionally touch other parts of my body instead of racing to orgasm.” For example, edging helped the New York-based sex toy blogger figure out that she likes circular motions after years of simply pressing a vibrator against her clit. Now, she usually jerks off “for about a half hour at least once a day. And if I’m edging, at least an hour — up to two.” When I edge, I usually stumble upon a new kind of porn I enjoy or discover fantasies I didn’t know I had. Instead of watching a few videos of my classic categories, my curiosity makes use of the extra time.
Experiment with a different grip. Get into a different position. Go into your pleasure drawer and add a sex toy to the mix.
What is gooning?
Over the last couple of years, I’ve fallen for (when time allows) a close cousin of edging: gooning. Gooning is when you edge yourself into a blissful state of masturbation over the course of hours until you reach an almost hypnotic, semi-meditative mental state that some even describe as intoxicating. Though the origin of the verb is unknown, a ‘goon’ literally means ‘stupid person’ and when you’re gooning, you definitely feel like a stupid mindless masturbator with no worries or concerns. Gooning can feel like you’re powerless to self-pleasure — a D/S dynamic with dopamine.
The deep calm of a gooning trance is another reason one might find themselves wanking for several hours.
Building up stamina
Sex coaches like Rankin sometimes suggest edging to clients who struggle with premature ejaculation — defined as when semen leaves the body sooner than desired, usually within the first two minutes of intercourse. Training your penis through edging hasn’t really been studied, but research on premature ejaculation suggests that there are things that can be done to add minutes to your amorous congress.
Sex therapist Paul Nelson says edging can “of course” help improve stamina during partnered sex. But he challenges: Why do you want to? “We are hardwired to copulate quickly,” he says. Which makes sense from an evolutionary biology lens. Thousands of years ago, you might get attacked by a saber-toothed cat if you’re banging in the woods for hours! And despite much of the porn we watch, not everyone wants to be pounded for 30 minutes straight. “Have you asked your partner how long they want to have intercourse? Most guys [who want to last longer] never even ask that question.”
However, if you’re insistent on delaying ejaculation, the stop-start version of edging — stopping just before orgasm until you calm down before starting again — is quite well-known. But Rankin teaches her clients to have more control over their bodies.
“If you’re struggling with lasting longer, expanding your masturbation practice is really important. The caveat is: You need to go up and down, not just stay” on the edge. She teaches them to think about their pleasure along an ‘arousal curve’ — 1 being an interest in sex, but no arousal; 4 being hard enough to penetrate; and 9 being the point of orgasmic inevitability. Men “get so excited that they’re able to stay in one spot that they’re afraid to go back down [the arousal curve]. The skill is not to stay — which is edging. The skill is to know how to come down and come back up again. That’s where the confidence will come from.”
Is edging bad for you?
There isn’t very much research on edging, but there’s nothing to suggest that it’s inherently harmful. There are some things to be mindful of. Friction, for example, is a reality. If you choke the chicken dry for too long, you run the risk of chafing. The Death Grip, writes sex educator Gigi Engle, “refers to masturbating in a repeated way” through “a very tight grip on the penis” or “receiving the same, intense form of stimulation” on the clitoris. Whether you’re masturbating for minutes or hours, your genitals can grow accustomed to one thing or another after a while. Death Grip is not permanent, and edging as the experts have said in this article, can be a way to break your patterns to explore more pleasurable feelings. “The whole point of this is to get more access to sensation,” reminds Rankin.
(It’s important to note that Death Grip is only a ‘problem’ if you think it is. Engle continues, “There’s nothing wrong with preferring or even needing one form of stimulation to receive pleasure, if that’s what you want.”)
And yes, blue balls are an actual medical situation (it’s slang for epididymal hypertension). And yes, you can give yourself blue balls if you edge for too long. It’s not deadly, but take any scrotal tightness as a sign to finish up.
Edging tips
The whole point of edging is to be in communication with your body and breath is the spoken language. “Access to their breath is going to drop them into their awareness,” Rankin says of edgers.
You should also set up a comfortable environment. Will you lay in bed? Sink into a comfy couch? Pick a different position than the last time you ‘took your talents to South Beach.’ Furiously hunched over your keyboard like you’re hiding your junk from your spouse is not ideal.
Place your lube in a convenient location. Lay your toys out on the coffee table or next to you in bed — not because you’re going to use all of them, but because you’ll have all of your options accessible. If you’re going to use pornography, pick out some sites or subreddits ahead of time to start with. Take care of any logistics upfront so you can focus on Buffing the Vampire slayer.
Though it might not seem sexy to schedule, Rankin wants people to stop restricting self-pleasure to those “five minutes before you have to get up to go to work or right before you fall asleep.” Find an unrushed part of the day to touch yourself “so it becomes more of a time for self-connection instead of a Band-aid.”
This last part may be difficult for newbies: discipline. Surfing the edge of orgasm requires the ability to (temporarily) deny yourself your climactic reward. In a culture of instant gratification and short attention spans, this might seem like an alien concept. When you think of it that way, edging is a kind of counterculture. Which means it’s cool. Breathing, minding the arousal curve, and taking the time will guide you towards a massive oxytocin hit at the end. Think of it as a very adult version of the Stanford marshmallow experiment.
Happy fapping!
