This post is part of Mashable’s Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we’re celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
So you want to talk about masturbation, but you don’t want to say “masturbation.”
First, have you considered just saying “masturbation?” It’s a fine and good word to say; plus, it’s gender-free! But if you really can’t do it — or if you’re some kind of slang aficionado — you’ll be thrilled to know that there are dozens of unusual euphemisms for masturbation at your disposal.
We’ve compiled a selection of 50 for you here, all from the deep tunnels of our blessed internet. Some of these images are specific to female masturbation, and some are specific to male masturbation. (We need more terms that aren’t just for men, to be honest.) Some are not specific at all. And some are so deeply confusing that we simply do not know to which body parts they are referring. But maybe you do. In that case, can you let us know?
2. Shaking hands with the milkman
11. Nulling the void
12. Visiting the safety deposit box
13. Orbiting Venus
14. Finding Nemo
18. Taking the self-guided tour
20. Making waffles
21. Doing a Meg Ryan
22. Downstairs DJ
28. DIY
29. Scratching Yoda behind the ears
30. Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
31. Taking selfies at The Bean
32. Dotting the “i”
33. Burping the worm
34. Tapping into your potential
38. Taking your talents to South Beach
39. Auditioning the finger puppets
41. Making soup
45. Drilling for oil
47. Singing soprano
49. Minding the gap
50. Watching the Magic Mike: XXL trailer
Happy euphemising. We hope it’s a real pleasure.
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UPDATE: May. 15, 2023, 12:06 p.m. AEST This article was originally published in May 2018, and has been updated in May 2023.
