In Sept. 2022, Olivia Wilde’s film, Don’t Worry Darling, premiered at the Venice Film Festival.
One of the most talked about moments at the heavily documented event was playfully dubbed “spitgate,” referring to the moment Harry Styles appeared to spit on his co-star Chris Pine as he was taking his seat in the theater. Pine has since stated that Styles “did not spit on me,” but that hasn’t stopped the internet thirsting over the idea.
Spitting seems to be becoming somewhat of a theme in pop culture. Several recent film and television examples include Ted Lasso, Dune, and Succession, each featuring spitting in some form. Additionally, spitting is all over TikTok, with hashtags like #spittok (186.9 million views), #spit (488.2 million views), and #spitqueen (2 million views).
Why is this happening? Spit kinks. People are horny as hell for spit.
Having a spit kinks means that you get an erotic charge from being spat on or spitting on someone. Getting spit on is widely accepted as being one the most horrific, degrading things someone could do to another person IRL. But in sex, it can be sought after, craved, and a part of play. Sarah Melancon, PhD, a sociologist, clinical sexologist, and resident expert at The Sex Toy Collective, a one-stop hub for all things sex toys, points out that porn site Clips4Sale’s spit fetish category contains over 1.1 million clips. This gives us a sense of this kink’s popularity.
What’s more, being horned up for spit can go beyond the physical act of spitting and manifest as a focus on saliva. This can be done for bonding, intimacy, and even sensation play. Sex is so weird and we love it.
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So, what’s the deal with spit kinks? Why are we into them and how can we indulge in them? Let’s dig in.
What is a spit kink?
What is a spit kink, you ask? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like: Being into spit, in a sexual way. “Spit play, or spit kink, involves the use of saliva during sexual activity,” says Kenneth Play, an international educator and author of Beyond Satisfied: A Sex Hacker’s Guide to Endless Orgasms, Mind-Blowing Connection, and Lasting Confidence. “This can include spitting on one’s partner, swapping saliva through kissing, or incorporating saliva into other sexual acts.”
That’s right, folx. Sexy spit. We hope the mental images are already pouring in with wild abandon.Dr. Nazanin Moali, a psychologist, sex therapist, and the host of the Sexology podcast, adds that spit kinks can involve saliva swapping in many different forms, but usually manifest as one partner consensually spitting on the other without “specific limitations on the targeted body part.”
Spit kinks fall under the BDSM umbrella and often involve some level of humiliation play, though this isn’t always the case. The Dom may spit on the sub for many reasons including bonding, humiliation, an interest in bodily fluids, and more. Like all things in sex, spit kinks can be played out in a million different ways and the ways people engage with them will depend on what they want out of the scene.
How to practice spit-play in a safe and consensual way.
If you want to get down with a spit kink, there are some things you should keep in mind so that your play is done in an ethical way. Here are the three golden rules.
Consent.
If you’re going to spit on someone or have them spit on you, you need 100 percent, enthusiastic consent. “While many people love saliva, others find it a complete turn-off. Always discuss your turn ons and offs with a partner before trying [anything],” Melancon says. Figuring out how you want to play with this kink before you try it is very important. We all have limits.
Firstly, you want to be sure everyone is on board with spitting before spitting happens.
Communicate.
Firstly, you want to be sure everyone is on board with spitting before spitting happens. Spitting on someone without asking is a violation of their consent. Make sure everyone is down to go to Saliva Town. Boundaries with kink play need to be discussed before the play happens so everyone is on board and feels safe.
If you’re playing with spit and someone is not having it or decides it isn’t working for them at that moment, you both need to be able to communicate with each other. Having a safe word can be really beneficial here. This is a non-sexual word designed to let a partner know that a boundary has been reached.
Be careful with your health.
While saliva is generally safe as far as STIs go, you could still pass on viral infections — like a cold or COVID. If you or your partner are feeling unwell, keep spit play on the back burner until you’re back to 100 percent.
You might be wondering about oral Herpes or HS1V. You can’t get oral herpes through spit. It’s spread through skin-on-skin so you should be safe. Now, since oral herpes is spread by skin-to-skin, if someone has an active cold sore, take precautions — like avoiding oral sex and kissing.
Why people are so into spit during sex.
People find a lot of things attractive about spit during sex. “By incorporating this once-taboo act into their intimate moments, individuals can explore boundaries and add an element of thrill to their experiences, further enhancing the attraction of this kink for those who engage in it,” Moali says.
So, let’s break down some of the reasons people want to get wet and wild.
Consensual D/s play
Being into spit is inherently kinky because kink is anything that falls outside the realm of vanilla sex. We can safely say spitting on someone falls outside of these parameters. Spit kinks can be a part of a bigger Dominant/submissive role play. The act of spitting on a sub can be a form of erotic humiliation and/or a way to create a deeper bond between the Dom/sub. Moali says spitting works so well in these scenes because it “can serve as a powerful symbol of authority.”
Intimacy with saliva
Swapping spit can also be a way to create intimacy. “Saliva play such as spitting in each other’s mouths may feel intimate, sharing something that is typically kept private,” Melancon says.
Being into bodily fluids
People are turned on by my bodily fluids because we’re able to eroticize basically anything. Some bodily fluid kinds might manifest as being turned on by blood, piss play, sweat, and yes, spit. Melancon tells us that while in a general sense we tend to view bodily fluids as unappealing (and maybe even gross), “when sexually aroused, our threshold for disgust increases and we may happily engage in behaviors we would find disgusting in other contexts.” Studies support this.
Being into wet and messiness during sex
Spit can also be a part of “wet and messy” fetishes. These include things like food play and sploshing … and spit! “Those who enjoy rubbing saliva on themselves, seeing a partner covered in spit, or extra sloppy kisses or blow jobs may fall in this category,” says Melancon.
Just … enjoying the sensation!
People might also be into saliva and/or spitting because they enjoy the sensation. Play tells us that you might just like the feeling of spit on your skin, the sound of someone spitting, or the way it feels. Basically, spit kinks can be a form of sensation play (which we’ve written about extensively, just for you).
Is it normal to spit?
While there are a whopping ZERO studies on spit kinks (boring), these kinks are quite common. According to research from his book, Tell Me What You Want, Dr. Justin Lehmiller found that roughly nine percent of participants reported engaging in spitting or being spat on during sexual activity. Play says that this kink is not exactly in the mainstream per se, but it’s definitely something people are into. It’s totally normal to have a spit kink. So, if you’re worried about it, don’t be.
Sexual expression is so hugely varied that there is no simple way to pin it down.
Moali says “spitgate” might “have sparked increased discussion surrounding this kink,” she says. “This heightened awareness has piqued curiosity for some, leading them to realize the potential appeal of spit play, and prompting them to explore whether it aligns with their personal interests.”
Sexual expression is so hugely varied that there is no simple way to pin it down. People are into what they’re into. And we should be more chill about that. If you’re out here asking your partner to spit in your mouth, that’s totally fine. Be safe, communicate, and allow yourself to get off on the things that you like. Life’s too short for shame.
